Guy Woodward: My 10 New Year’s resolutions

By Guy Woodward

Published: 11 January, 2018

1. DRINK WHEN I WANT

Particularly in the nauseatingly pious Dry January. This is not to belittle the dangers of alcohol. I have written before of the risks of the wine and spirits trade adopting such a position, and am a staunch advocate of minimum pricing – which would seem the only way of the multiples actually taking some responsibility for the products they sell. But, as a consumer, I begrudge being socially pressured by the public health lobby. Now we also have “Go sober in October”, as promoted by Macmillan Cancer. Again, this is not to dilute the ravages of cancer or the 4% of diagnoses that are attributed to alcohol (I lost my mother to breast cancer – though she was teetotal), but that’s two months of the year we are being told to abstain. What’s next? “Be parched in March”? “Stay dry in July”?

2. MAKE MORE COCKTAILS

I favour a cocktail as an aperitif when I’m out, but rarely do I take one at home, even when entertaining. Why? I’m lazy and opening a bottle of fizz seems so much easier. Amateur mixology would be more fun though – and would help make some inroads into those dusty bottles of Cognac, whisky and indeterminate liqueurs languishing in the kitchen cabinet…

3. SHOP AT MAJESTIC LESS

My laziness isn’t limited to cocktail-making. Majestic is my closest – and, with parking, easiest – merchant to visit, and I often use it for “topping up” on weeknight wines. But I can’t help feeling that its range and approach has become a little pedestrian of late (more on this next month), making my intake similarly predictable.

4. OFFER MY SERVICES AS COPYWRITER FOR ENGLISH WINE’S PR DEPARTMENT

English fizz should be the wine story of the decade and I am among its most committed supporters. But, god, its marketing material is dull. And I can’t say I’m optimistic that it will improve under the new banner of WineGB, headed up by a nice chap in a suit, whose CV spans B2B advertising and leading a district council. Sexy stuff.

5. EASE OFF THE WINE DINNERS

This is more of a plea to PRs and event organisers, in truth. With the right guest list and a favourable seating plan, wine dinners can be more useful forums for learning than tastings, but we don’t need five courses, cheese and coffee to stimulate conversation. And our waistlines definitely don’t need these either. Instead, keep it short and sweet, and start earlier. (First-world problems, I know. Speaking of which…)

6. DECANT MORE

Almost invariably I find that a bottle half-drunk and left with a stopper in overnight offers up more interest the following evening. Decanting would fulfill the same function, but it just seems so … faffy. I know – I need to get over myself. Just don’t tell Jane MacQuitty, who, in possibly 2017’s most deluded, desperate attempt by a wine writer to position oneself as down with the people (it’s a close-run thing with Will Lyons’ byline photo) claimed that wines don’t need to breathe. “A bottle of wine hasn’t got lungs, and all that happens when you pull the cork is you expose the wine to the air and it starts to deteriorate.” Decanting is also, according to Jane, “another waste of time”. Dear, oh dear …

7. MAKE IT TO THE END OF ONE OF ANDREW JEFFORD’S COLUMNS

At the risk of further alienating my fellow scribes – yes, Andrew is the wine world’s most cerebral writer, and yes, his words are crafted with the elegance of a particularly ethereal Chambolle-Musigny, but come on, Andy, lighten up! The latest 1,300-word missive tackled the absorbing topic of how “Catalonian secession from Spain, the British voting to leave the European Union [and] the US abandoning the Trans-Pacific Partnership, seeking to renegotiate both NAFTA and the Korus FTA with South Korea, and failing to progress the TTIP agreement with the EU might facilitate the flow of wine across national borders”. It was, as Jefford himself admitted, “tortuous, complex and problematic” (OK, that was the process he was talking about, not the column). But then this is a man who tweets only in haiku.

8. BE LESS PREJUDICED

In my mind, I don’t like Gewürztraminer or Torrontés. I’m sure there must be some good ones out there, but I’ve yet to find them. To be honest, I’ve rather given up looking. Which is a little blinkered of me, it’s true. Maybe 2018 will be the year.

9. BE MORE PREJUDICED

There’s a limit to my appetite for discovery. Yes, sheep-stomach-fermented Slovenian Sangiovese is all the rage, and I really must get up to speed on Peruvian Pinot, but I like Aussie Chardonnay and Rioja, OK?

10. DELIVER THIS COLUMN ON TIME AND UNDER 800 WORDS

Even if it means breaking off in the middle of …

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