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My swansong

Published:  05 February, 2009


This is, alas, my swan song. After this column, you will hear no more
from my oft-disgruntled pen. Henceforth Harpers will be rant and insult
free.

 

This is, alas, my swan song. After this column, you will hear no more
from my oft-disgruntled pen. Henceforth Harpers will be rant and insult
free.


What is a swan song you ask? There you have me. Such waterfowl surely
cannot sing a note. One stands as likely a chance of hearing a swan sing as
having a parcel cheerfully delivered by Parcel Force.


As this is my last Harpers column may I make one useful suggestion and ask that the wine trade
never again uses Parcel Force to deliver wine?


Recently the Co-op tried to send me some samples and in spite of clear
instructions to leave the wines outside my back door if I could not sign for
them the witless courier left only a note to say I should either pick up the
parcel, the contents of which were at that point unknown to me, from a depot
5-million miles away or use the website to arrange re-delivery.


However, I was at home when PF called but my bell was not rung loud enough. I accessed
PF's website and directed it, after many failures on its part to process my
data, to re-deliver in 3 days. I was subsequently telephoned by PF and told
the parcel was now at my local post office.


I went to this paradise but the queue was sixty people and so I returned next day. The queue was 20 strong and it took 20 minutes to reach the counter where upon me brandishing proof
of identity a man went off for 6 minutes (I read the sports section of the
Guardian whilst he was away), returned, fussed with some paperwork, went
away again, during which time I read the Education supplement of the
Guardian, and he returned puffing with parcel, which I saw was not one I
could easily carry to my next appointment.


The man spent another five minutes getting his paperwork together and to clear a cluttered area so he could finally, after 35 minutes in the PO, deliver the parcel. I was
expecting a large envelope not 6 litres of wine and so I had to troop back
home (I was not on my bike) which ate up another 20 minutes..etc etc. End of
story.

Parcel Force is a complete and utter joke. The swan has not sung,
but I hope it has tellingly hissed.

Malcolm Gluck

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